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• Go enthusiastically with noise and haste, and remember what boredom there may be in silence.
• As far as possible, without surrender, be on licking terms with all humans.
• Speak your truth loudly and clearly, and don’t listen to orders – act deaf and ignorant; you too have your life.
• Avoid loud bangs and fireworks; they can make you do wees on the spot.
• If you get compared to others, do not become angry or bitter, for always there will be some gay spaniel down the road doing exactly what its told.
• Flaunt your achievements and adopt your cutest look after embarrassing fuck ups.
• Keep interested in your toys however chewed; they are real possessions in the changing fortunes of time.
• Exercise caution in your dealings with cats, for they are full of trickery. Do not be blinded by their size or apparent lack of aggression. When cats are close by, life can be full of unpleasant surprises.
• Be yourself. Especially try to gain attention. Neither be fussy about food, for in the face of all hunger and disappointment, it is preferable to eating grass.
• Take kindly the cuddles of humans, gratefully slobbering their face with your tongue.
• Develop a fearsome bark to protect your home and family against intruders. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Some ‘intruders’ are actually invited guests.
• Encourage the wholesome discipline of walking each day. You are an energetic dog, unlike the cat or the bird; you have a right to your walk. And whether or not it is clear to your owner, no doubt they are not exercising as much as they should.
• And finally, always sleep on the bed, whatever your circumstances may be. And whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of doggy life, keep peace with your owner. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is a much more beautiful world when shared with a dog.
• Be cheerful. Always be happy.

Levi Brown
May 2010
Levi 2

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